“Why did the squirrel cross the road?”

Do you know why?

We didn't, so we took it straight to the source and asked a bunch of squirrels.

(Silly squirrel! What were you thinking?)

Yes, all we got from them was a bunch of useless chatter.

Not wanting to let the question burn itself out, we turned to some of the world's greatest minds. Clearly, that wasn't such a good idea, either.

Desperate in our quest, we locked ourselves in and ordered take-out to stay alive. There we sat, 24/7/52, willing the question to give us it's answer. But all that happened was that the question just sat there and stared right back. (After all, it's only a question.)

So what do you do with a question like that? You toss it out and wait to see what comes back.

“Why did the squirrel cross the road?”

“Because the car swerved to miss it.”

- Jess Dunn, Baltimore, Maryland, US

“He was enticed by the big, shiny nut! Fulfilling our most basic needs is the driving force in our lives. After that, curiosity and the need for adventure push us to take risks.”

- Claire Ibarra, Key Biscayne, Florida, US

“Well, that’s a long story. He wanted some fried rice from the corner store, which happened to be on the same side of the street as his house. On his way to the store, he saw Julian coming toward him, but on the other side of the street. Julian owed him twenty bucks from last week when the squirrel paid his bar tab at the neighborhood bar. Julian’s girlfriend had kicked him out of the house earlier without his wallet, and the poor dude had started drinking without even realizing that he didn’t have any money to pay the bartender. The squirrel, being a pretty nice guy, fronted him the dough. Now he wanted his twenty bucks back, so he crossed the street to get it from Julian.”

- CB Calsing, New Orleans, Louisiana

“He lost his nuts. He saw it on Youtube. He was riding the chicken. Because if chickens can do it, squirrels can do it, by God.”

- Eric Trant, The Colony, Texas, US

“To retrieve its nuts from the other side. “

- Terry Sanville, San Luis Obispo, California, US

“In addition to being an aspiring author, I am also an expert in squirrel behavior, having obtained my Ph.D. in Sciuridae Psychologe from Acorn University. Squirrel motivation falls into three major categories: (1.) The desire to mate; (2.) the desire for food (foraging/hoarding); or (3.) the desire to jump into the middle of the road, turn around halfway to the yellow line, double back, dart between the tires of a vehicle and narrowly avoid getting hit by oncoming traffic. From these motivations, we can conclude that there was either a very attractive female squirrel on the other side of the road, a large cache of nuts or an oncoming semi-trailer with questionable brakes.”

- Patrick Scalisi, Naugatuck, Connectitut, US

“Because he was stapled to a chicken. Duh.”

- Rob Rosen, San Francisci, California, US

“Our hero squirrel crossed the road after a perilous journey across the park. So close was the single tree pockmarked with the nuts that he could almost feel the rough cap that topped them, the smooth sides that protected the center. His nose twitched before that tree loomed above him, ready and willing to become his new home. Oh...wait...was this a serious question?”

- Cynthia D. Witherspoon, Spartanburg, South Carolina, US

“To bust a nut.”

- Dennis Thompson, Malo, Washington, US

“The squirrel crossed the road for the same reasons we do. Either something it wanted was on the other side or something it wanted to get away from was on this side. Maybe he had a "babe" squirreled away across the road, and lust beckoned. Perhaps his "spousal unit" got on his case so often he felt she was chewing his nuts off, and he decided to hit the road. Kind of like us. One rodent behaves pretty much like another.”

- William Walton, Corpus Christi, Texas, US

So, now ... DON'T BE SHY ... why do you think the squirrel crossed the road? We’d like to hear your answer! Leave a comment or send your answer to ahlsubmissionsv2@yahoo.com.

If we like it, we’ll post it.

Please let us know what city/state/country you are writing from.